written quotes

Lost quotations

Have a look at the lost quotes below and see if you can help us out! (Please note that comments must be suitable for audiences of all ages and may be removed if not.)

Parody of Warning | 25-Jul-07

Does anyone know of a poem that parodies Jenny Joseph's 'Warning' - "When I am an old woman I shall wear purple"?  This particular parody was heard on the radio some while back (possibly Radio 3 or 4, possibly on Woman's Hour) and was read by a woman who countered the sentiments of 'Warning' by saying that you should still maintain your standards and look smart etc.  The enquirer would also be happy to know of any other parodies of this poem.

1 comment has been made on this quote. Click here to read it and then add your own!

Do you know this poem? Do you have any clues to help us find it?



When I am an old man I shall wear sweatpants
With a baseball cap that says, ?Blow Me?
And I shall spend my pension on gin and beef jerky
And shoes with Velcro, and say we've no money for nothin?.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm drunk
And gobble up beer nuts in bars and throw up in alleys
And rub my crotch in public places
And make no apologies for the recklessness of my youth.
I shall go out in my jockey shorts in the rain
And piss on the flowers in other people's gardens . . .

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and my nose has turned purple.


When I am an Old Cat I shall wear a diamond collar and leave my footprints on white couches;

I shall drink my cream with a touch of brandy and spit out my vitamins;

I shall sit on the laps of dog people just to irritate them;

I shall nap on the top of the neighbour's petunias and perch on top of birdbaths and grow charmingly chubby;

But for now I must tolerate the dog
and use my litter box
and not sharpen my claws on the sofa, so no one can doubt the truth that cats are superior to dogs.

But every once in a while I wonder if I should be naughty now and then and nip a few toes, so my humans won't be too shocked when suddenly I become an Old Cat and start to wear a diamond collar.

Found on the internet.
Maria Schunter

:: Back to Lost quotations ::

Back to top Register for newsletter
Bookmark This Page